I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
