i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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