Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I want her autograph on my taint
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
