There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize