he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
