When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
