How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
