everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
