oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
