I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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