I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
