So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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