i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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