So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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