You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
