your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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