and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
