i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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