Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
