I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
