i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
