Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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