I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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