so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
