"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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