I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
