My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
