my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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