why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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