Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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