These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
