I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
