If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
