Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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