Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
