i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
