she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
