dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
