Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
