I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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