Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
