he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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