Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
a search helicopter?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
