Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Everclear isn't food dammit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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