I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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