I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
