Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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