my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
