Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
