I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
