the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
