What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
