I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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