hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
