Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
