I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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