Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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