Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
