i jhust puked up my retainher.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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