saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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