Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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