I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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