I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
