Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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